And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
