So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
