I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
