omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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