You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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