I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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