How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
