Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
