I need help removing her.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
