Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
