I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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