mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
