bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
