Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
