Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Randomize
