You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
