Swine flu. Run for my life!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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