paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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