it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
