...so i touched it.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
