I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he had hair everywhere except his balls
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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