She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
