The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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