Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
