I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
