Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
