Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
