No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
