Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
well you can't waste a boner
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
