Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
