some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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