Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
