Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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