I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
