i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You have to summon your inner elephant
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
