I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
