Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
