You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
