come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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