I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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