Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
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