Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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