they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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