So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
