i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
