Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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