wanna go halves on a baby?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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