i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
