i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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