sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
