Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
