I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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