Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
