One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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