You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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