Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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